WORKPLACE ROACHES – be warned! They can survive a nuclear holocaust…
Approx. reading: – 11 mins
We spend close to 8hrs of our awake time every day at our work places; that's more than we get to spend with our families. That is one reason why you should be very thankful if on average you are able to get along with the 'Strangers' who are your workmates. If you really think about it, who are the true strangers; your workmates or your family? I spent the better half of 2009, and a good portion of 2010 with the incredible people at Nelleon Development Company. There were some tense moments, there were some bad moments, but generally they were good times. This is dedicated to them.
A CNN advert depicts the diversity of the staff at CNN; a news anchor born in Africa, a security officer from
We have all met them really, the bitchy - forgive my lack of common decency - lazy bone, quick to run to the boss kind. They are everywhere. In all institutions; big and small. They laze around behind their computer screens looking very busy doing nothing, are quick to boss people around, bark orders on the double and are totally negligent on team assignments. Yet they are the first to run to the boss when the job's done, and they end up taking all the credit. They almost make you want to vomit – scum of the earth. It's sad how our seniors don't ever seem to see through their little games and tricks to promote their sinister objectives or cover their tracks. They use all the dirty tricks in the book, yet these are the people who get promotions, pay hikes and perky allowances. I once heard someone say that 'the good guy never wins', nothing makes this statement truer than your average office roach.
"An old wise man was teaching a bunch of 10 year old kids some ethical principles until he reached the concept of Gossip. Right then he paused, and asked each one of the kids to go back home, grab a pillow and a knife, and head up to the roof of their buildings. There, they are supposed to stab the pillows and shred them apart, then return to the old man.
When all of them returned, he asked: "what happened?" they all replied," we stabbed the pillows", he inquired: "And?". One Kid said: "feathers! Feathers everywhere!" The old man continued:" Well then, I shall ask one more thing. I want each of you to go back and collect every single feather you let out of your pillows". Helplessly, the puzzled kids went back, to collect as many feathers as they could, but it was too late, the wind had carried them off and what fell on the ground got mixed with rubbish and litter in the streets and allies. The pupils returned to their old master disappointed, and one of them stepped forward and stated: "Sir, it can't be done!". With a reassuring smile the old man looked at the kid and asked the children to have a seat. He then explained:" It was hard to take back the feathers wasn't it?" they all silently shook there heads in agreement. He continued" Well my dears, this is what happens when you Gossip and Lie, the words spread around so randomly you can't trace them back. Although feathers are harmless, Words can cause tragedies"
As I sat there listening to my friend cursing and mouthing all manner of obscenities, it suddenly hit me how pitiful the situation was, I felt an immense sympathy for her, and a multitude of others of her kind, who have definitely suffered immensely, and continue to take solace in 'talking about it' to their friends. And I pitied their friends too, people like me, who needed not hear all these 'office crap talk' that we couldn't give the littlest damn about, and who will inadvertently, naively and rather innocently perpetuate the trend of office gossip some other day to some other person because we continue to propagate the idea that 'talking about it' is the best way to deal with it. This hit me square, right there and then, as she continued talking. I wished that she would just realize what damage her mouth was doing.
Ofcourse none of us even knew the pathetic villain, none of us worked at Gigiri, but still that was no excuse. Few people can resist the urge to open their mouths with ineptitudes. We all talk of self control and restraint but few realize the kind of willpower required to exercise this control with our tongues. Nothing tempts like the urge to say something negative about another person – however justified you may think it is, it's just best that you never say anything negative about another person – especially if you are damn sure that you can't say it directly to their face. What even exacerbates the situation is that we don't even realize it when we bad mouth – many a times it comes just as a natural flow to conversation;
Somebody mentions Njue, another person talks about a party he attended with him, and without knowing it you loudly note how 'Njue likes parties'. And something in the way you say it, maybe it's the tone of your voice, may be it's a gesture, or the disposition of your body as you say the words, but something says that there's more to the 'like'. And somebody picks it up and adds 'especially parties with girls' and before long, Njue's sex life is the topic of discussion.
Don't get me wrong, my friend didn't do nothing wrong, at least not anything that any one of us wouldn't do – it's my believe that no human being can ever claim to have 100% self control of what they say, don't we all fall short of glory? But occasionally, you will come across that solitary soul not quick of tongue, that one person who butts into the conversation last, contributes something little, and realizes the mistake he just made and quickly shuts his mouth – that's a person on the path to enlightenment. Have you ever noticed how shrinks never do any talking? And when they do, they only ask a question to prompt you to keep talking, may be we should all borrow a leaf from them.
Today I will try to impart two of my most dear principles:
- watch what you say
- watch what others say
1. WATCHING YOUR TONGUE
"Man, who is born with two ears and one mouth is supposed to listen twice as much as he is supposed to talk"
Old Chinese proverb
Let me narrate a story to illustrate:
Three pastors took a day off and decided to go fishing after a busy Sunday. They agreed it's so difficult preaching to people all the time and no one preaches to them. Sitting by the river with little response from the hooks one pastor thought of sharing his heart with others. He said "guys its rare to get such an opportunity to be among ourselves like this. It would be good if we look into our lives and help each other with our weaknesses". They all agreed to this. The first pastor said "Gentlemen I need help! The people in my church give a lot of money every week. I started taking little by little but now I take a big chunk. I can't stop stealing from the church please pray for me. The day they will find out I will be fired"! The second pastor said "brothers your sins are better than mine! I have slept with every woman in the church including married women. As I preach my eyes hover over the congregation looking for the next prey. If this is discovered people will not fire me, they will kill me!" The last pastor's feet were shaking as they were talking. And by the time the second pastor was done talking, the shaking man had broken into a sweat, and his knees wobbled. They thought he had a big story to tell.
I want to assign you a ten second task; please take this very seriously, think about it for ten seconds. Take a piece of paper, and write down which of these you would rather do without:
- Hearing
- Seeing
- Talking
Research has proofed that about 97% of the times the answer will be TALKING. Do you know why? That's because words form barely 7% of the entire message we send, 38% happens through voice tone and a vast 55% happens via general body language – the way you look, your dressing, you body movements and general physiology. A child for example knows that when his mother calls his name in a raised voice, that means much more than just calling his name. Non verbal communications are sometimes referred to as animal rapport. It is nature's innate gift to us to enable us relate easily, sometimes instantly, to people we meet, to make an impression with our physical presence even before we utter a word. This makes the mouth the least important of all our communication tools. The one we are most likely to do without as a tool of communication. Nonetheless, it is by far the most destructive, the most injurious and most likely to be used in foul ways. We should be extremely careful of how we use it.
When finally the third pastor calmed down enough, He stood up and said "My brothers my problem is gossip! I can't sit anymore. I have to rush and share your stories with other people! I will be back!!! The other pastors fainted!!!. Now I know that there's no greater sin, but if you had to, who would you have judged as having the worst flaw?
2. WATCHING THE TONGUES OF OTHERS.
PRO 8:5You who are simple, gain prudence; you who are foolish, gainunderstanding.19:2 It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty andmiss the way. It is necessary that we all get engaged in the struggle to take nothing for granted, to take nothing as obvious, to become aware for everything so that what is heard and seen is judged and evaluated, and to even create something new by going beyond the conventional, by rising above tradition, the environment or what we now call the dominant opinion.
I once heard an eight year old boy narrate to us how he thought a classmate of his was scatter brained. "Every time we tell him to choose between a five and a ten shilling coin, he chooses the bigger coin." Of course the bigger coin is that of a lesser value. All the boys laugh at his inability to see through the prank. The next day, they tease him again in the same way, and they laugh themselves to the ground, and they do it again day after day. It didn't matter to them that the boy was autistic, they were having a good time teasing him and they kept at it for two weeks
Now, I am quite certain that if most of us were teachers in that school and happened to catch whim of the mischief, we would admonish the boys and put an immediate end to it. Isn't that what you would do? After all, were they not inflicting some long-term psychological damage on the boy for a fault that wasn't really his? Now that's what we would term as the dominant opinion. Now imagine that this young man adhered to his decision with a conscious awareness. What would have happened had he picked the smaller coin the first instance? Would the other boys have laughed? Would they have repeated the silly prank for a whole two weeks? you know scientists are only beginning to understand autism; its now widely beleived that autistic people actually have extra sensory perception; they see and hear things differenly. think about it, isn't the boy better off with the seventy shillings than the ten shillings he would have gotten had he chosen the smaller coin? Who should really be laughing? There's a philosophical principle called reductio ad absurdum; it means that when confronted with a situation of ignorance, indulge it till it becomes absurd to the culprit. In layman's language it means - don't argue with fools, just let them be- see poem titled "Thou shall not argue Idly" Why do you think the boys finally stopped teasing him? That's a classical example of what is now referred to as 'thinking out of the box'; the ability to see the 'bigger picture', to see the simplicity in the complex, and the complexity in the simple. You need to weigh people's actions and words, be aware of them, think about them, flip the coin and act with awareness.
You must respond to people ineptitudes with lots of wisdom and knowledge; do not be ignorant, for ignorance only fans the fire. You must teach yourself to weigh the words of others and not take them at face value. You must make deliberate adjustments to the words of other people for the following:
- non deliberate exaggerations that are – most often innocent, but sometimes intended
- What the person is not saying – flip the coin and see the other side. Nothing can be 100% good or bad. More often people will try to manipulate your perceptions on issues by just giving you one side to the story. I have personally learnt the hard way that when someone tells you how good a deal is and why you should put your money in, it's best that you don't. But should they immediately after warn you of possible reasons for failure, in most probability this is a good deal. Learn to always ask to be shown the flip side
Watch for signs of incongruence in their communications – the body never lies; watch someone's body language more than you listen to their words. Watch their eyes, their gestures and body movements. Words work on a person's conscious, where the brain is thinking, non-verbal forms of communication work on an individuals subconscious and as thus are even more effective.
But best of all, a work pest is best dealt with when confronted, in person and in private of course. Let's see what Jesus would do: Mathew 18: 15-17 clearly outlines 4 steps;
Step 1. Go directly to the person in private and discuss the matter. If he is repentant- PERIOD - it ends there, no more 'talking about it'. If not, then
Step 2. Find two other people, as witnesses. Do not to gossip about the matter with the two witnesses, but bring them to confirm that things have not been resolved. If the person seeks repentance at this level, KAPUT - it is to END there. If not,
Step 3. Bring it before the elders of the church (people of authority – like your immediate supervisor). The person should have already done points 1 and 2 beforehand. Going to point 3 right away is not biblical. If the person is repentant at this point, before the two witnesses and the elders, the person should be forgiven and it is to END there - FINITO.
Step 4. If at this point however, the person does not repent, the person is to be treated as a gentile or a pagan (fool). But still It is to end there.
Step 5. I will add a fifth, that probably Jesus couldn’t have thought of back in the days, in this 21st century days, it is best, and easier to just hit the “share’ button below and send this right to their inbox – they will get the hint alright – believe you me.
Dedication:
To Pam – cherished always – no harm intended
To NDC staff – Adios, may life turn out wonderfully: to those I rubbed the wrong way, find it somewhere in your hearts to pardon me, to those I took offense with, mine's a clean heart now: Amos, Peter, Jose, Mwangi, Patrick, Ng'ang'a, Douglas, Njuguna, Anita, Irene, Malombe, Ann, Michuki, Kamau, Mbithi, Andrew, Nick, Karanja, James(CEDAT), Dan, Jan, Seb, Anto, James & George (data Impact) NWK, LNK
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